I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids

I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids by Borgman, Lori. hardcover edition. ISBN: 9780671027223.

Once, Lori Borgman had parenting all figured out. Her cheerfully compliant children would play peacefully in a tidy yard, happily snack on fruit and whole wheat bread, and implore her to read Longfellow aloud as they drift off for a welcome nap. That was before she had kids -- kids who stand up in their high chairs. Shove peas up their noses. Throw pre-nap tantrums, all in quadraphonic stereo sound.... I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids is Lori Borgmans fuzzy and prickly ode to parenthood, a laugh-out-loud reality check that only a seasoned mother of three could write. Drawn from her wildly popular newspaper columns, these wise and witty snapshots capture family life as it really is -- part Norman Rockwell, part Stephen King -- and where nothing is as Lori Borgman imagined it would be in her pre-baby days. She now knows that brownies are the key to effective parent-child communication. Shes pondered one of lifes great questions (especially around 5:30 P.M.): "Wattsfirdinner?" Shes discovered the value of empty margarine tubs and twist ties in "Hints from Hell-oise." Shes learned to handle suspects like Sgt. Joe Friday on "Dragnet" when investigating who left the garden hose running. And she takes on everything from summer vacations to the cold-weather game of Thermostat Tag; prime time TV moms; the post-pregnancy bathing suit challenge; those unfinished projects that are stashed in various closets and drawers; unusual house pets; the truth about piano lessons; and much, much more. In league with Dave Barry, Erma Bombeck, and Anna Quindlen, but with a voice uniquely her own, Lori Borgman plunges into parenthood with her eyes wide open, and laughs along with us at the perils -- er, make that the joys -- of family life.